Practical Skills & Exercises

Module 4 — Page 3 of 5

Learning Outcomes

Reflective Debrief on a Real or Observed Event

This exercise guides you through the What? So What? Now What? framework using a structured three-step process. This reflective debrief can be done alone (journaling) or with a trusted peer.

Choose an Event

Select a situation that remains with you — something recent enough to recall clearly but enough distance to reflect calmly. This might be:

  • A recent mediation session you facilitated or observed
  • A professional interaction that was challenging (difficult client meeting, team conflict, teaching session)
  • An emotionally charged situation from your professional context

Criteria: The event should feel relevant to your learning, not necessarily resolved, and something you want to process more deeply.

Apply the What? So What? Now What? Model

Work through each question systematically:

What? (Facts)

Write down the sequence of events as objectively as possible. Focus on what happened, not what it means. Include:

  • Key participants and roles
  • Timeline and sequence of events
  • What was said or done (avoid interpretation)
  • How the event ended

So What? (Meaning & Impact)

Reflect on the deeper dimensions. What stands out? What felt challenging or surprising? How did you feel during and after?

  • What was most challenging about this event?
  • What did you notice about your own reactions or responses?
  • What values or professional principles felt engaged or tested?
  • What surprised you about yourself or the situation?

Now What? (Learning & Application)

Move from reflection to action. Identify one concrete insight, skill, or behaviour you can carry forward:

  • What is one specific thing you learned about yourself or your practice?
  • What skill would you like to develop further?
  • What will you do differently next time?
  • Who might you talk to — a peer, supervisor, or mentor?

Optional Peer Sharing: If sharing with a partner, their role is to listen, ask clarifying questions (not to judge or "fix"), and validate your insights. Example prompts: "Tell me more about what felt challenging", "What happened next?", "What stands out for you from this reflection?"

Example: Mediator's Reflective Debrief

What? In a mediation, a participant raised their voice and accused me of bias. I redirected the conversation, but internally I felt rattled and defensive.

So What? I realised I take criticism personally, which can affect my neutrality. In that moment, I was focused on defending myself rather than understanding what triggered the accusation. This pattern shows up when I feel unsupported.

Now What? In future, I will practise grounding techniques (breathing, pausing before responding) and seek feedback from a peer supervisor on managing accusations calmly. I'll also reflect on what "triggers" my defensiveness — is it the tone, the content, or my own fatigue?

Self-Evaluate Your Reflection

After completing the What? So What? Now What? framework, pause and assess your process:

  • Did this process reduce the emotional intensity of the event? Did naming what happened help create distance or perspective?
  • What did you learn about your own mediator style? What patterns emerged about how you respond under pressure?
  • Was there anything that suggests the need for supervision rather than just debriefing? (e.g., ongoing distress, ethical uncertainty, skills gap)
  • What will you do with this learning? Journal again? Share with a peer? Bring to supervision?

This type of journaling-based debriefing can be integrated as a recurring reflective practice activity — building resilience, self-awareness, and professional growth over time.

Peer Listening Exercise

Peer listening is a low-structure debriefing tool that relies on presence, silence, and minimal intervention. Unlike advice-giving or problem-solving, peer listening creates space for the speaker to clarify their own thinking and feel genuinely heard.

How to Organize

  • Pair up with a colleague or peer mediator
  • Agree on roles: One person is Speaker, the other is Listener
  • Set time: ~10 minutes per person (20 minutes total)
  • Choose location: Private, quiet space where both feel safe

What the Speaker Does

Choose a recent mediation, role play, or professional event to reflect on. Focus on three dimensions:

  • What happened (brief description of the event)
  • How it affected you (emotionally, ethically, professionally)
  • What you are still thinking about (what hasn't settled)

The goal is not to analyse or "solve" but to share openly. Example prompts to guide yourself:

  • "One part of the session that really stayed with me was..."
  • "I noticed myself reacting strongly when..."
  • "If I could do one thing differently next time..."
  • "What I'm still sitting with is..."

What the Listener Does

Core Practice: Deep Listening

  • Listen deeply. Do not interrupt, correct, offer advice, or plan what you'll say next
  • Use silence. Reflection needs space and time
  • Use minimal prompts to encourage further reflection:
    • "Tell me more about that"
    • "What felt most important in that moment?"
    • "What do you take away from this experience?"
    • "What would help you move forward?"
  • Validate without judgement:
    • "That sounds challenging"
    • "I can see why that mattered"
    • "It makes sense that you felt that way"

What NOT to Do

  • Don't interrupt or finish sentences
  • Don't offer advice or problem-solve
  • Don't shift focus to your own experience
  • Don't minimise ("At least...") or redirect ("You should...")
  • Don't correct the speaker's perspective

Closing the Exercise

After the speaker finishes, pause and reflect together:

For the Speaker:

  • What was it like to be deeply listened to?
  • Did the process reduce stress or shift perspective?
  • Did anything become clearer through speaking it aloud?

For the Listener:

  • What did you notice about holding space without giving advice?
  • What was difficult? What felt natural?
  • What did you learn about listening deeply?

Together:

  • How did this differ from typical work conversations?
  • What might you carry forward?

Key Principles

  • Respect confidentiality — never share details of the exercise or speaker's reflections outside the pair
  • Allow silence — reflection needs space; don't rush to fill pauses
  • Resist problem-solving — this is a debrief, not supervision or therapy
  • Maintain boundaries — if the speaker becomes distressed or discloses significant mental health concerns, gently suggest they speak with a supervisor or counsellor
  • End with appreciation — thank your peer for their presence and vulnerability

Stress Mapping

Stress mapping is a visual tool that helps you track your own responses during a session, identify patterns, and build resilience. Unlike written reflection, the visual-spatial nature of mapping engages a different kind of awareness — what you notice about triggers, responses, and recovery.

Create Your Stress Map

What You'll Need

  • Large paper (A3 or landscape A4)
  • Pencil or pen
  • Optional: colours, symbols, or markers

Steps

1. Draw a horizontal timeline

  • Represent the beginning, middle, and end of a mediation or event
  • Label major phases (e.g., opening statements, exploration, negotiation, closure)

2. Mark stress points

  • Use symbols (✕, ▲, ●), colours (red, orange), or annotations to mark moments where you felt stress, tension, or activation
  • Mark recovery points (where things settled or you felt relief)

3. Analyse each stress point

For each marked point, write a brief note capturing:

  • Trigger: What specifically caused the stress? (party behaviour, content, process moment, your own reaction)
  • Response: How did you respond physically, emotionally, cognitively? (tension, racing thoughts, withdrawing, seeking control)
  • Recovery: What helped you settle or move forward? (breathing, refocus, party shift, your own awareness)
  • Gap: Was there anything missing that would have helped? (information, support, skill, time)

Example Markers

  • ▲ Escalation moment
  • ● Turning point / shift
  • ✓ Settled / resolved
  • ? Uncertainty or confusion
  • 💭 Reflective insight

Explore & Analyse Your Map

Once your map is complete, step back and look for patterns and learning.

Look for Patterns

  • Trigger patterns: Do certain party behaviours regularly trigger your stress? (e.g., raised voices, accusations, silence, power plays)
  • Phase patterns: Are specific phases consistently stressful? (e.g., do you always tense in opening statements, exploration, or closure?)
  • Content vs Process: Are stress points linked to the content (issues discussed) or the process (how facilitation is unfolding)?
  • Recovery patterns: What strategies actually worked to help you recover or refocus? (breathing, pausing, asking a question, connecting with a party)

Translate into Learning

Strengths — What strategies or responses worked well?

  • Did your presence help settle a moment?
  • Did a particular question or intervention change the dynamic?
  • How did your own grounding support your practice?

Development needs — What skills would help you navigate stress more effectively?

  • Emotional regulation techniques (grounding, breathing)
  • Intervention skills (reframing, refocusing, setting boundaries)
  • Self-awareness (recognising your own triggers)

Next steps — Identify one concrete action:

  • "Next time I encounter [trigger], I will [specific action]"
  • "I want to develop my skill in [area] — I'll practise by..."
  • "I notice that [pattern] affects my practice — I'll explore this in supervision"

Use Stress Mapping with Others

In Peer Debriefing

  • One person creates their map while the other listens and asks curious questions (not judgement)
  • The listener might ask: "What do you notice about that trigger?", "Where was your body in that moment?", "What would have helped you there?"
  • The speaker gains clarity through the process of explaining and reflecting aloud

In Supervision

  • Bring your stress map to supervision as a visual representation of your experience
  • The map guides conversation toward resilience, ethics, and skill development
  • Supervisor can help you deepen understanding: "Let's explore what's beneath that trigger", "What would professional growth look like here?"

In Group Training

  • Participants create anonymised maps (remove identifying details) and compare patterns
  • Group discussion reveals common triggers and shared strategies
  • Normalises stress while building collective knowledge of resilience

Take a moment to reflect across these three exercises:

Which exercise felt most useful to you? Did the What? So What? Now What? framework help clarify learning? Did peer listening offer a different kind of support than solo reflection? Did stress mapping reveal patterns you hadn't noticed?

How might you integrate these tools into your ongoing practice? Will you journal regularly, find a peer listening partner, or create stress maps after difficult sessions?

When might you know that debriefing is no longer enough? What signs would suggest you need supervision, professional support, or referral for wellbeing?

Check Your Understanding

During a peer listening exercise, a colleague begins describing an ongoing pattern of anxiety and sleep disturbance after family violence cases. As the listener, what should you do?